CD 12 update

Today is CD 13, and yesterday was my midcyle u/s appointment. Right ovary is trying to be the baby-maker this time: one dominant follicle at 1.6cm. The left ovary had four: three at 1.2cm and one at 1.0cm. Lining measured 9.4mm.

We also talked about injectibles (if this cycle fails). Jason had previously wanted to to try one more month of Clomid, since RE was willing to let us try. I am super impatient though and was ready to move it up to the big scary drugs. But we were unsure if Jason's being a cheap-ass or my being so baby hungry was interfering with out decision making skills. We wanted to make the decision for a good reason, so we asked out NP what she would do. She said that based on my dominant follicles [very dominant with the closest in size being at least two days (.4cm) behind the largest] that she would go with injectibles. That will give my ovaries a chance to produce several of the same sizes so that the sperm will have "more targets." This of course also increases the risk of multiples. Which of course would be perfectly ok by me, but I am not the one that is the main provider for the family, so I can understand how Jason might not be so thrilled about the prospect of twins.

I am desperately trying to have some faith in my body this cycle. For some reason, I just keep thinking, "well next month when we're on injectibles..." when I really should be focusing on this cycle. Or maybe not. Maybe that makes it easier if/when this cycle is not successful. It's not like I am overjoyed about the idea of injections EVERY night and having to spend four hours per day in the car for u/s monitoring. So what's my deal? Why do I insist that this cycle won't be successful??? I'm getting slightly worried that I am distancing myself from the process a little too much sometimes. However, this morning's near breakdown when I couldn't find a shirt I wanted to wear should be evidence to the contrary. You could say I don't process stress very well, but that would be an understatement.

So right now I am going to focus on not dreading the 2ww and being excited about the potential outcome of what is going on in my body in the here and now. I know one thing is for sure: I need to stop counting weeks of a pregnancy that isn't even here yet!