Thursday, April 3, 2008

I'm going to be an aunt... lovely

It has been just over 24 hours since I found out that my brother's wife is pregnant. You could say I didn't take the news very well but that would be an understatement. I couldn't breathe. I called Jason and spouted all the curse words I knew. I called Calee and left a sobbing ridiculous message on her voicemail. Then I called my brother's wife to congratulate her. I think I was a pretty convincing actress. I even tried to ask about her first doctors appointment when the question I really wanted to ask was where in the f*** were they planning on living when the baby came in nine months. When I asked her if she was taking vitamins and she seemed confused as to why a pregnant woman might want to do such a thing, I even tried to be helpful and tell her she could get over-the-counter prenatal vitamins until her doctor prescribed her some, instead of screaming her head off. When I found out she hadn't called yet to make her first appointment even though she'd been back a full day and half from being out of the country, I decided the conversation was over. "Well, congrats again and I'll see you guys... soon." I want soon to be here never. Eventually I am going to have to face my very pregnant sister-in-law at baby showers, family functions and the birth of my parents' first grandchild. Ugh.

I took another pregnancy test this morning, at 10dpiui. It was negative. I stopped by Dollar General and bought four more so that I can test every day until 14dpiui. If I haven't gotten my period by then, I'll call my RE and have her schedule a beta. I haven't started spotting yet {knock on wood} which is very encouraging since last time I started spotting at 9dpiui. But nothing. Not a smidgen of spotting. I felt very different at the beginning of this IUI, but the feeling of fullness and the cramping have subsided. I haven't a clue what that means.

When my mom called me this afternoon (once she learned that I had heard the news) she was insanely annoying. She said things like "don't stress or you will have a miscarriage when you get pregnant" (I'm being a lot more blunt than she was, but trust me, that's what her words translated to) and "your brother has a lot more than we did when we had you." Uh, yeah, but you didn't live in the apartment on your parents' property. Truly, there is no one who can understand infertility like infertile people. There's no other way around it. Jason's mom completely understood when he told her he was going to stay with me this weekend instead of going to visit them 8 hours away -- because she knows. Her sister, who is 8 years younger than her, had a baby before she did. Calee told me the story of how she found out her brother's girlfriend was pregnant.

Seriously, no one else gets it. And it's very hard not to be incredibly frustrated with them. I have no idea how I'm going to keep this up, and we've only been at it for two months. I feel so drained that sometimes I don't think there's much left. All I know is that I have never had to lean on anyone so much as I have Calee these past couple of days. I am so beyond thankful for her and so excited to see them both this weekend! Hopefully I don't leave mascara smears on her. :)

No comments: